My journey to motherhood
From a life shaped by career to a longing I couldn’t ignore, this is a story of doubt, persistence, and God's answer: two daughters born in my final fertile years.
In my twenties and thirties, when I was in my prime fertility window, I was focused on building a career and pursuing other ambitions. The idea of motherhood lived somewhere in the background, unformed and non-urgent, something I believed I could return to later.
But as I turned 38, then 39, then 40, something shifted. Like many women at this stage of life, the desire for children moved from the background to the center of everything. Professional pursuits that once felt important suddenly seemed small beside the desire I could no longer set aside. I wanted children.
During that time, I prayed with everything I had, even in moments when I doubted God existed at all. Looking back, I see that God was at work in those prayers, not just listening but forming something in me: courage, commitment, and a readiness to receive.
And the answers to my prayers—a husband and two healthy babies—came just in time, as the window of fertility began to narrow.
Along the way, I saw that many view “advanced maternal age” as high risk, necessitating medical intervention. For some, this idea provides clarity and support. For me, it raised questions, because I sensed God opening another way to motherhood.
I moved in that direction, approaching conception and birth differently than what’s typically expected at this age. Both children were conceived naturally, and I ultimately chose home birth despite strong opinions from family, friends, and medical professionals to take a more conventional route.
It took all my courage to trust in the design of my own body. Through that process I encountered God in a new way, by observing how intricate and exquisite birth physiology really is, a kind of dance between mother and child, unfolding through instinct and surrender.
Birth, I discovered, is a journey into the innermost place where mothers meet both their own strength and the presence of the One who orchestrated it all.
Now I’m living the life I once prayed for, raising two young daughters in my forties and learning each day what this season requires of me. The prayers were answered, but the story didn’t end there. Having babies after forty introduced a whole new set of questions and a deeper invitation to walk closely with God.
Here, I share my journey as it unfolds in real time—the realities, tensions, and beauty within it—for women seeking their own path to motherhood.
If my story resonates with you, I'd love to hear yours.
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